


Switcheroo

by Rainbowraptor



Category: Invader Zim
Genre: Alternate Universe - Gender Changes, Bodyswap, Canon-Typical Violence, F/F, menstruation talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-14
Updated: 2020-03-14
Packaged: 2021-03-01 04:33:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,498
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23099386
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainbowraptor/pseuds/Rainbowraptor
Summary: Dib is a young adult woman. She's trying her best to balance her job and continuing her fight against her alien nemesis, Zim. One night, while foiling another one of the irken's plans, Dib finds herself suddenly in the alien's high heeled boots. While stylish, they aren't very comfortable.
Relationships: Dib/Zim (Invader Zim)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 30





	Switcheroo

The grocery store parking lot wasn't too crowded. At 3 am in the morning, the only other living thing was a woman who was currently yelling at a pigeon and the said pigeon was too busy pecking at a french fry to notice much else.

Even the brave paranormal investigator fighting her evil alien arch nemesis.

Dib wiped the blood from her mouth with the back of her hand. She felt something wiggling with her tongue, tasted pennies, and groaned. Well, that would be another implant. Did she even have any original teeth still? 

Zim shot forward again on her PAK legs, snapping Dib out of her thoughts. Instead of throwing another punch, she grabbed Dib, her claws ripping the new white blouse. 

_Of course, another thing I'll have to replace._

Zim pulled her close. "You aren't going to stop me!" She hissed in her ear, "Gir is already inside!"

"I'll stop you!" Dib shouted as she aimed her own fist at Zim. She missed, the damn space spider easily dodged. "Whatever you're doing I'll stop you!"

Zim laughed, cackled really, and continued to scuttle away, towards the grocery store. Damn, she had gotten even faster after all these years. Dib would have to remember to add that to the logs. 

Dib ran after Zim, jumping over the pigeon and it's fry. "Run all you want Spacewoman, I _will_ stop you!" She threw herself through the opening Zim had made using some weird alien laser thing and rolled on the ground before standing, eyes searching around for any sign of her nemesis.

The grocery store was more or less normal, no obvious clues to Zim's newest grand plan. A quick glance showed the aisles were intact, nothing out of place.

Except there seemed to be a need for a serious clean up in the snack food aisle.

Gir was dressed in her cat costume but had the hood pulled down. She sat on top of a pile of tons and tons of various foods, wrappers, and even a stuffed animal or five. She had her head back and was pouring a bag of chips down her mouth. Most of the chips missed and joined her weird nest.

"Gir, where are you? You were supposed to warm up the Switcharoo gun! The Dibbitch is here! We need to turn those bananas quickly!" Zim called from somewhere to the right. 

Ah, so she was in the produce department. Dib grinned at the little hot-pink cat."Hey," Dib hissed in a whisper, "can you show me this Switcharoo gun?"

GIR immediately dropped her bag and smiled at Dib. "Mario! Oh boy, she'll be so-" 

Dib lunged forward, a hand clasping the robot's mouth. No model of cleanliness herself, even Dib winced at the layer of jelly and cheese dust that got on her fingers. "Ssh, no, we got to be quiet. It's a surprise." She really had no clue what her plan was but didn't seem to have to worry much because the little robot nodded, light blue eyes shimmering.

"A party?! Awww, you're such a good girl." She said it in sort of a whisper. Better than nothing.

Gir took Dib by the hand, forcing Dib to walk hunched over because the robot was so much shorter. She led her through the rows of aisles until…

Despite being an Invader, Zim was never one for subtlety but the Switcheroo gun was a lot, even for her. It stood tall, a ton taller than Dib and on three legs. The gun was purple and pink like most of Zim's equipment but transparent and fitted with numerous clear tubing filled with a strange, lava-lamp like green fluid. 

Was it Dib or was the gun a little sparkly? Glitter? Why was there glitter on the-no, no time for that. Maybe after she got Zim under control Dib would ask.

Up close Dib could see that, yes, the gun's transparent almost resin like material seemed to be flecked with speckles of silver, prismatic glitter. It was a turret of some kind with two barrels set far apart from each other. Currently, one was aimed at the store's entire banana display while the other was poised on a huge glass jar of what looked like, well, just more bananas.

Dib frowned and approached the set up. She stared at the comically large mason jar. Nope, it was true, Dib was sure, they looked like harmless, silly, and actually, tastier bananas than the overripe or under-ripe mess that the grocery store offered . The fruit inside was bright yellow, not green at all, even in the eerie light if the gun, free from any bruises.

What in the world was Zim planning? Dib tapped the glass. Nothing happened. She slapped the jar with one hand. Still nothing. Well, it wouldn't be the first time the Irken tried something and then failed.

Dib whistled. "Wow, she must be losing it." She felt a bit disappointed. So what was Zim's plan? Switch the bananas on the display with the ones in the store. Why? Did Zim need the gross ones for some vile concoction? Did she want to make a ton of fried banana chips and banana bread? Was she going to use the creations to sell for money to buy something evil? Maybe she wanted to poison the whole neighborhood.

Again.

Or maybe Zim had finally snapped. And for real this time. Zim had been getting more and more active lately, even less covert, less sensible, and lacking in ridiculous complexity. Last month Zim uploaded a weird video to the internet about a lonely monkey. The video had caused quite a few people to think they were monkeys as well and the insane result had been a weird parade through many places of the world of people climbing trees, screaming, and throwing what may or may not have been dirt.

Something was wrong but Dib wasn't so sure what it was exactly. What if Zim had fried something in her PAK? Was Dib's victory close now, finally, after thirteen long years. Dib sometimes thought about the end of their war but never even really believed it would happen.

She imagined capturing Zim, exposing her for the alien she was, making her pay for the numerous crimes she had committed against humanity. Dib craved the vindication and acknowledgement so deserved. She wanted her co-workers to stop calling her "future ferret lady" and big headed and crazy. Dib longed for her mother to admit that maybe there were things science hadn't yet explained.

And also, Dib found that, most of all, Dib wanted to know everything about Zim, about her people, and not only because they were a danger to humanity. Since late middleskool, Dib had even began to have the rare, very rare, idea that maybe there might be a chance to get Zim to actually stop her crusade. Zim had technically saved the Earth a ton after all. And the two had some good moments on their weird adventures. Strangely enough, some of her happiest times were actually with Zim. 

Maybe, after Zim served her time and shared her secrets, Dib thought maybe they could be, finally, sort of like actual friends. Somehow. Zim would stop her vile ways, Dib could get famous, and then, Dib could take Zim out to a movie or…

 _No, that's nuts_ Dib thought, dragging her mind out of the gutter. Dib blamed her weird, complicated feelings towards the alien on the lack of other socialization. It was sad when the best friend you had was the one who was trying to blow up or conquer your home-world 88 percent of the time. Dib couldn't drop her guard. Zim _always_ had some crazy scheme and she would _never_ stop her destruction. She was _evil_. Dib knew enough about her people and Zim to know that much.

Dib gave the jar one last, hard knock, and turned away. Now to find Zim so she could do one of her crazy gloats to explain whatever this was.

Hiiiiisssssssss. 

The bananas inside the jar let out a horrible sound. They hissed and made strange noises. Then the not bananas began to _move_ . Each one of their thick yellow appendages weren't actually berries but _legs_. They suddenly flexed and centered around stems which were a mottled gray and brown and filled with fangs. If they had just been more spider-like, Dib might have thought they were kinda cute or even kinda neat but, instead of having some sort of familiar biological body plan, the damn things opened several black, beady eyes along those "legs". 

"Ah, so you found my Bunch Spiders!" Cried Zim from above Dib. Dib looked up just in time to dodge Zim's attack from on top of the jar. 

"What are you doing now ya damn-" Dib was cut off as Zim knocked Dib away with a flick of one PAK leg. 

Zim stood tall, her curly antennae both lay against her skull as she snarled down at Dib and bared zipper teeth. Zim had seemed to have gotten more rabid these days in addition to the speed boost. "Why?” Zim growled, “Your _huge_ brain still can't understand the ways of my people Dibbitch?" 

She stood in front of the jar, taller than Dib on her PAK legs. Zim's snarl turned up into a grin. "I know, why don't we just _show_ you how it works." She lurched forward, grabbed Dib by the arms and threw Dib, hard and far.

Dib spun around once then landed with a wet squish and a hard thunk. Something in her side had definitely torn. She coughed, sitting up on her knees, looking down at her entirely ruined blouse. Dib rolled her eyes, adjusting her glasses, trying not to rub her sore breasts too much. Her entire body lay on top of a bed of bananas. The strong smell was rank and nasty.

Zim was looking at her, laughing, slapping her knee and pointing. "Haha, OK, OK, I should take a picture of this, record it for another worst of Dib videos for the Poop Tube. Banana pudding Dib!!!" Zim stopped, quickly, mood switching she and snapped a gloved finger.

"Ah, nah, Zim doesn't do reruns. Gir, activate the gun!" Zim turned on one high heeled boot, whirling around to make sure the robot was listening. "Show the Dibbeast the full amazing of Zim!" Zim purred.

The pink cat gave a salute and screeched "Yes my mistress!" She grabbed the controls and pressed a very large and glowing green button.

There came the sound of plasma engines waking up and cooling fans kicking on. Dib thought of Gaz and his massive gaming rig at his house. Or mother's private jet she kept in close to her lab. This gun wasn't as loud as either of these beasts but it came close.

It was definitely louder than Dib's roommate's snoring. Oh, how she wished she was back at home, throwing a pillow at Keef

Dib stood up, sending more bananas into the ground, getting ready to throw herself at Zim and unleash an unholy furry on the alien invader. This was too much. Zim knew she hated bananas!!! Or, you know, any fruit. The only way this could be any worse was if Zim had thrown her into a cantaloupe bin. But, before she could jump, a sudden shock of cold gel washed over her. 

Dib screamed. It felt as if her core was being ripped out to, to, where exactly she had no idea. At the same moment, somehow, in this weird in between state, Dib was aware that Zim had slipped on a banana peel. 

Dib could _see_ and even with her entire body being riddled with a weird electric, cold and hot wash of jelly, thought: _Haaha, serves you right spacewoman_. Dib watched as Zim caught herself at the last second by holding on to the jar of Bunch Spiders. Only to be slammed in the back with that same lava-lamp like green gel of the gun that was currently ripping Dib's mind from her body.

The sound of something exploding ripped through the grocery store, more of an odd popping and then, with one final flicker, Dib's mind went black. She felt a sharp jolt. Then nothing. _Okay so Zim fucked up once again, this time she got us both killed. Freaking awesome. This is perfect. Well, sorry Gaz, sorry Dad, gonna miss out on this year's second and last family night._

But with another flicker. Dib found herself alive. And able to open her eyes. When she did, she was screaming. No, wait, that wasn't her. She wasn't screaming. Dib was actually unable to speak, her throat felt odd, filled with something moving. And why was there this weird...pink like film over everything? And the smells, fuck, what was that wonderful scent. The bananas? Sweet, so sweet. She wanted one very badly but not because she was starving, she actually felt...well, content, and damn good but because the taste, the experience of a banana would be wonderful and- 

Dib blinked, suddenly twitching with the need to get up. She jolted up with such force and energy it shocked her. Dib leapt high, almost hitting the grocery store ceiling, startling a couple of stray birds nesting in the rafters. "Holy shit, holy shit." When Dib crashed to the ground, arms waving crazily all the way down, she, thankfully, landed on her feet. Immediately, Dib was overwhelmed with sensory overload. She could taste the air and everything in the store from the blood in the meat department to the rat poison under the shelves. She could hear every car that passed by, the birds that sang outside, feel the oncoming of the rising sun. Somewhere in the store, she could hear the faint humming of sleeping computers, a sound that actually helped soothe her, calm her. 

And then there was this odd, new... sensation, a feeling of a new limb or a bundle of nerves on her back. No, that wasn't it at all. Dib had dealt with all sorts of crazy body transformations in her life, but this was stranger than all of them. She felt this new growth, in her spine, as a sort of new head. Dib perceived the world with her eyes, her body, but she also held all sorts of thoughts, basic facts, instincts, so much knowledge, herself, and everything in this other, powerful, place.

Dib was still screaming but wasn't. Rather, Dib heard what sounded like someone with her voice yelling. It was odd, strange, uncertain and stopped with a choke, a surprised gasp, then became a high keening noise like an opened fire escape.

"Stop!!!! Quiet!" Dib hissed. It was just all too much. The words came out strange as well and from a throat not her own. She froze, feeling her mouth, running a tongue, a way too flexible tongue at that, over some bizarre teeth. Teeth that seemed to go a bit further and connect before going into gum.

_Oh no._

Dib looked down at her hands and saw two, gloved three-fingered hands

 _Oh no_.

"GIR! GIR!" Screamed the person using her voice. 

No, that was Zim using _her_ vocal cords, her _human_ throat to yell and scream.

"No, no." Dib said with whatever weird alien body parts she now had, these strange parts in her throat, "this can't be happening." Speaking wasn't too much unlike it had been only seconds ago, but was _different_. So much different.

Zim hadn't stopped screaming and she was just laying on top of the banana stand, eyes tightly closed, one arm wrapped around her new human wait and the other clutched against her new well endowed chest. Were those tears? "Pain, pain," she shouted, "Why? What's happening?!? What is this misery on Zim? Such strange colors, horrible colors and-."

"What did you do to me?" Dib shouted, grabbing Zim by the (oh, that stretched out blouse was really done for) and just shook her.

Dib's alien arms were strong, not strong as Dib's human ones had been but reacted faster so she wasn't prepared. She almost smashed Zim's, well, her very fragile human head, against the sharp wooden edge of the banana display.

She stopped before she killed Zim or at least did enough damage to warrant yet another metal plate in her original body's skull. She didn't want to commit murder, especially on her own body…

Zim wasn't responding to Dib but she had, thankfully, stopped screaming. Her eyes were opened for a second, looking around the grocery store, "Gir?" She asked, voice cracking. 

A flash of hot pink came from nowhere (well,what Dib assumed to be hot pink, it looked a shade darker through Zim's eyes) as Gir suddenly stood next to them. She looked at her mistress with brief concern then chirped: "I'm going to go get some chocolate sauce OK!" Gir chirped and ran off.

Dib looked down at Zim, in her body. Dib felt her new antennae moving, wiggling. It was just so bizarre. The human reeked of sugar, grape flavored poop, stale pizza, coffee, and something else, a bit tangy, acidic, salty and greasy taste. Body odor. The smell of copper. Faint traces of mint toothpaste. And more scents she'd never even smelled before.

Dib-smell, Zim had always called Dib.

Well OK, so her human body _did_ stink.

Also, she didn't know if it was because of the extra brain on her back or what but her thoughts and response time had jacked up. While exploring all her senses, she also was also able to think more important things.

At the exact same time.

How long had she been here? She could smell the morning coming so opening time for the store would be soon. Dib thanked the Zim that she’d thought to disable the alarms but the owner would be coming. While any _other_ time having a huge alien gun left in a store would be great for exposing Zim, _Dib_ was now the alien and it would be her luck that, for once, people came, realized what she was, and captured her. Dib didn't want to be locked up and studied. 

She needed her body back and fast. 

Dib looked back at the huge gun and felt her stomach, or _whatever_ she had now instead of a stomach (a squeedlyspooch?) drop. The gun had exploded, leaving bits of it laying all around the store. 

OK, so she needed to get them _both out_ of here and fast.

Dib acted. "Look, calm down, Spacewoman, I'll be back." She told Zim. The newly made human nodded. “Go, go find Gir!” Dib felt a pang of concern. At least Zim to understand. (Revisit this, elaborate)

Dib left, calling out gently as if after a lost pet. "No, hey, kitty, kitty, wait, why am I-Gir, get back here!" When that didn't work, she just ran down after Gir who was already in the ice cream aisle, jumping up and down, trying to reach the lone bottle of chocolate syrup she hadn't yet devoured. Dib took one claw and grabbed the robot cat up by the harness and stared into her blue eyes, "I need you to help me clean up this gun some how and get Zim back to her labs." Dib assumed that Zim might, _might_ have a way to reverse the switch. Or at least a way to build a new gun. Surely Zim had learned from being turned into bologna- 

**Begin Recall Memory Year: 4014, Time: 19:50, Day: 20, Month: 04**

_Wait, what?_ Dib thought.

And suddenly , as of on cue, part of her mind was briefly back in her right body, her _human_ body, while another was giving orders to Gir, "Where's Zim's ship Gir, we'll need it to-". No wait, her human body _wasn’t_ human, it was, oh hell. Dib remembered this. She was a roll of fucking bologna on a couch, somehow still sentient and aware, trying to figure out a way to escape this dumb as hell situation Zim had caused.

“You jerk.” Dib said with a huff. “All because I threw a sandwich. Man, you really need to lighten up.”

Fuck she'd been so, _mean_ , back then. Yes, back then, that was in the past and-

**End Recall Memory Year: 4014, Day: 20, Month: 04**

"OK, we're good, we got enough pieces I think-" Dib told Gir as the little robot shoved one more very large piece of gun into her mouth she’d found underneath a shelf of body lotion. Dib wished she knew how to use Zim’s PAK at least but really there was no way they’d be able to get _all_ the traces of the explosion in time. She shoved the last, huge fragments of the gun she had collected, as well as towels covered in the weird alien ammo, and threw them into the Voot.

The store was still a disaster zone but it would have to do. Dib hoped that the investigators put the scene as being the work of nuclear raccoons or something.

Dib blinked her irken eyes. At least she was fully aware of the present again. Dib had no idea what _that_ weird function of her new body had been but didn't want to repeat it. She focused hard on her current surroundings and tried not to let her mind wander. It was...difficult to put it mildly, apparently the extra brain on her back was more like a computer than she realized. This was a little unsettling and kinda cool but Dib didn't really like being in two places at once. 

Dib then turned to look at Zim. This part would be the worst. The reluctant human still seemed to be in some kind of shock but she was silent, staring forward, and sitting up, arms around her knees in a sort of an upright fetal position.

“Zim, look, we need to get out of here. The manager isn't going too be too happy we wrecked the store.”

Zim’s eyes focused behind Dib’s askew glasses. She glared at Dib. “You,” she wheezed. “This is all _your_ fault. If _you_ hadn’t interfered, none of _this_ would have happened. Why must you always get in the way?!"

Dib sputtered. “My fault? Zim, _you're_ the one who wanted to, to, do whatever you wanted to do with these bana-ugh, look, we don’t have time for this!" She took Zim by the hand and pulled.

Zim, caught off guard or maybe not used to how slow a human body was, stumbled and almost fell flat on her face. Dib caught her, quickly. She had Zim in her arms. Dib was shorter than Zim now and her head rested against soft breasts.

They stood there for a second.

Dib found she could still blush. Maybe. Well _something_ was happening to her new irken face. As and for Zim, she could easily hear and smell the human's reaction. A heartbeat as quick as her breath, a rush of blood, chemicals, sweet and foul. She could senseZim's arm hair rise to attention.

"Release Zim!" Stuttered the human and she feebly, shakily pushed Dib away.

Dib let go but still stood close. "I'm not about you to ruin my face with your clumsy self!" She yelled. "Now come on, we need to leave!" Dib pointed at the Voot, open and ready.

Gir was jumping around, hood pulled down, screaming, obviously enjoying the chaos. "Dooooooommmm pudding!" She yowled, leaving traces of smooshed banana and crushed to a powder vanilla wafers everywhere.

"You just _had_ to open something else, didn't you?" Dib asked, deadpan.

Gir giggled. "Confetti!" She exclaimed and proceeded to throw more cookies in the air.

Zim grabbed Gir and clutched the pink cat tight. It shocked Dib, usually Zim was so hands off, even with Gir. And she rarely initiated contact. She launched herself into the Voot, landing on the seat. She tried entering commands, selecting options, just booting up the ship, but there was no response. 

Dib watched, Zim growing more and more upset as time passed. Gir sat between Zim's legs on the the control seat, staring forward, tongue out, and smiling.

"You can't pilot it can you?" Dib asked.

Zim didn't say anything, just fumed.

"Because you're in my body. Right?" Dib asked.

Zim slowly turned her head towards Dib. It was unsettling seeing her face looking back at her and then to be doing so with such malice and murderous intent. It was even worse than that time with the Dib-bot Zim had made that one time. "Get in." She said cooly.

Dib didn't budge. "You sure? You wanna like, fiddle with the controls some more? Maybe hit it a few times? That'll probably work."

Somehow, Zim managed to twist her new human face into something far more violent and deadly. "Zim will bite off all this body's fingers so you can't even-"

"Alright, alright, jeez, jerk." Dib huffed and jumped into the Voot. Zim refused to move from the chair so Dib was forced to stand, slightly crouched by her to get to the controls but luckily it It took only a few seconds to bring the Voot to life. 

It wasn't too much unlike Tak's ship, if albeit way more clunky and slower to respond. Dib got the ship into the air, and activated the cloaking tech. The sun was rising and filling the sky with golds, pinks, and cotton candy blues. Dib took his eye off the sight and looked to Zim. Brown eyes met red and Dib hurriedly looked elsewhere.

She let it ship hover over the grocery store and it's parking lot for a moment, watching as vehicles began to arrive. Yep, there they all were, finally showing up to see the wreckage. Someone would call the authorities. An investigation would occur. Usually, this was when the FBI or someone would decide that it was just some mutant pack of crabs and the case would be closed. Usually, what would happen next would be someone reaching out to her mother to get confirmation on a very scientific reason behind the chaos. 

A paranormal investigator _might_ look into things deeper. A few Swollen Eyeball agents _might_ try to find out more. The Truth Shrieker _might_ even cover it in a very badly and poorly written article.

"Let's go!" Zim hissed. "Every microsecond Zim spends in this meat sack, the more I feel the urge to just rip off its vile flesh!" 

Gir chirped, "Can we stop on the way, I want a taco!!!!" She still hadn't moved from Zim's lap. Probably so happy to be held for once.

Dib sighed and turned the Voot towards Zim's base. She hoped, for the first time in her twenty four years of life, that the people of her city _wouldn't_ think about anything strange and just go on, worrying about fast food, work, and their shitty lives.


End file.
